Hey kids,
This week I’ve decided to give you ten of my favorite kills in Christmas horror films. These are some of my favorite holiday homicides in no particular order.
1. Silent Night Deadly Night 1984 – A Christmas horror movie classic to be sure, this film got a few things right. The first was the basic premise. The second was casting everyone’s favorite Scream Queen, Linnea Quigley. Two kills on my list come from this film. A personal favorite was the sledding bully who was beheaded mid sled ride by Billy who somehow knew where to find the naughty bully. My other favorite was a wriggling and screaming topless Linnea being impaled on antlers, even though it has been suggested to me that the antlers would never hold her up.
2. Black Christmas 1974 – This movie to me is the scariest and creepiest horror movie I’ve ever seen. I remember being scared senseless the first time I saw it. In subsequent viewings for years after I was never able to watch it alone. Two more of my kills come from this movie. Barb’s death was very disturbing. Maybe it was the juxtaposition of Jess enjoying the carolers while Barb was being murdered. Perhaps it was the murder weapon a glass unicorn or maybe that no one could hear Barb’s screaming over the carolers. My second choice was Clair. Clair was the outsider in the house. She didn’t seem to fit in much so that when she disappeared after going to her room to pack no one noticed. Clair, unfortunately, had been suffocated to death with a garment bag by Billy. She was sitting in a rocking chair dead for most of the movie.
3. Black Christmas 2006 – The remake of the 1974 classic was NOT a good idea. There was absolutely nothing to improve upon or update. The original was simply perfect. Remake it they did because Hollywood is full of brainless fools. There were a few bright spots in the film including original cast member Andrea Martin back as the house mother and some fun kills. In the process of trying to explain Billy in the remake (which didn’t need to be done) we are introduced to his mother and her boyfriend. Unfortunately for them, Billy decides to take his murderous rage out on them. He first kills mom’s boyfriend in front of her with some sort of ornament to the eye. He saved the most gruesome and likely painful death for mom as he first strangles her with the Christmas tree lights and then drags her to the kitchen and finishes her off via rolling pin to the head. After Billy has beaten his mother unrecognizable he uses Christmas cookie cutters to make flesh cookies from his mothers back. I saw him put them in the oven but I am not sure if he ate them.
4. Don’t Open Till Christmas 1984 – I saw this British Christmas slasher movie for the first time last year. Someone is killing Santas and it is personal! I must say I liked this one simply because there were a ton of murders and some were pretty creative. The opening scene is a Santa being murdered while having sex with a pretty lady. Uh oh! Now it’s dangerous to BE the Santa. Three of my picks come from this movie. The first is a Santa whose penis is sliced off with a straight razor while he is peeing at a public urinal. Ouch! I just had a pain in my crotch thinking about it and I do not have a penis. Next up a female victim meets her maker by being strangled with tinsel and stabbed in the stomach. My personal favorite the Santa roasting chestnuts on an open fire — er grill has his face shoved onto the grill and cooked!
5. Silent Night 2012 – The loose remake / reboot of the 1984 classic Silent Night Deadly Night was a pleasant surprise for me. I enjoyed the new take on the original plot and loved their casting choices. I’ve always been partial to Miss Jamie King. There was no shortage of murdering madness and I LOVE LOVE LOVE the new look the Santa killer had. Very creepy! My favorite cool kill from this movie is topless ruffle panties cute girl. This unfortunate young lady escapes the building her photographer is killed in only to be chased down by Santa. She of course falls running at which point he chops half her leg off. He then throws her leg and her screaming and still quite alive into a wood chipper nearby that is used for Christmas trees. Yuck!
So there you have it! Five movies, ten kills. If you haven’t seen all or any of these movies you are being very NAUGHTY. If you see Santa outside your window you may want to run.
