Hello all and welcome back to The Friday Four.
Today, I’d like to talk about something that any self respecting horror fan has thought about — horror souvenirs. I’m not talking about that Amityville shirt you’re wearing or the Bates Motel Cabin #1 keychain attached to your house keys. When I say souvenir, I mean something from one of the movies that I would really love to have.
I took it a step further and eliminated anything I could easily acquire on the internet. For as cool as it is to have Jason’s hockey mask, Michael’s mask or Freddy’s glove, I can get all those pretty quickly on the internet and made right down to the last detail. Could the items on my list be custom made? Sure. Anything can. These items on the list would need to be custom made or the originals from the movie and in the first case, could not even be made again.
What am I talking about? Well, I guess there’s only one way to find out. Feel free to share a horror souvenir you want from one of your favorite movies below
Today, for the Friday Four, I give you…
FOUR HORROR SOUVENIRS FROM THE SET I WOULD WANT
1. Dongface mask, Sleepaway Camp
This is the one that cannot be duplicated. There is only one in existence and according to our interview with Felissa Rose, it is falling apart somewhere in Robert Hiltzik’s attic. It can’t be duplicated because Felissa Rose isn’t still 12 years old and a mask made from her face today would be much different than that particular mask.
Yes, I would own the mask that was applied to some poor, drunk college kid’s face to make him look like a 14 year old girl with a penis. Then I would find this man and call him — just to let him know that I have it. He will fear me.
This is a one of a kind souvenir from one of the most celebrated and twisted scenes in horror movie history. I would like to think that upon donning said mask you automatically take your clothes off, throw your hands in the air and scream into the skies. Now, I have to rely on homemade meth to get that kind of a high.
How would it best be used: While I would love to put this mold on my face and chase people throughout my backyard with my dong hanging out, I fear the delicate nature of it’s current state would dictate that it be put on display only.
2. Tatum’s shirt, Scream
I know what you’re thinking — what the hell do you need with a questionable lime green shirt? If you settle down for a moment, I’ll tell you. It’s probably the second most iconic death in the entire Scream franchise — even if people don’t remember the actress, the character or the shirt, they remember somebody got smooshed at the top of a garage dooe while stuck in the pet door.
Let’s add to that the factor that I can forever say “How many pieces of clothing do you own that once prominently featured Rose McGowan’s nipples (you didn’t think I was going to go this entire writeup without mentioning that, did you?)?” and what’s not to love. No one will ever defeat you at the Rose McGowan’s nipple clothing game. I just made that game up, but it should be a thing. Where is my kickstarter?!
If I could get the Rose McGowan dummy that goes in the shirt, that would be a bonus but isn’t that a little creepier? I know me and I know I’d end up taking dead Rose McGowan dummy on dates and things. Let’s not tread down that path, shall we? The shirt is more than enough.
How would it best be used: Sexual cosplay implications aside (we would need a blonde wig for that one as well), it would be a spiffy addition to my Tatum Riley Halloween costume. I can also envision me getting drunk and wearing this at parties. Now that I think of it, I don’t know that it would last that long in my possession.
3. The television, Poltergeist
When thinking of souvenirs from Poltergeist, most people are going right for the clown doll. I get it. I’m not like most people. My brain doesn’t work correctly, plus any clown doll is kind of scary. To have the actual TV from the set of Poltergeist? That’s the portal to the other dimensions, kids. If you stare too long, you get drawn into the house and a midget lady has to come and save you.
Do you know how many hours would be lost staring at the static of this TV? I assume that this TV can only play static, not just from the movie, but because it’s an old ass TV most likely with no way to hook any of the modern gadgets to it. DVR and Roku? No. Making small children scary and portals into demonic dimensions? Yes.
Even if the TV never worked again, you would have a vintage classic tube TV from the early 80s. That’s something, right? Cool kids? We had a TV like this. Damnit, I’m old.
How it would best be used: Obviously anytime I have a party (about three times a year) I’d have this sucker on every time because it’s the TV from Poltergeist and it you can’t realize how cool that is, then you shouldn’t be at one of my parties. This would also be a fun trick to turn on when people sleep over, though I fear that I will wake up one day and someone will be staring directly into it.
4. Tarman, Return of the Living Dead
Return of the Living Dead is generally an underrated classic (I know that’s an oxymoron). Even when the movie is mentioned in conversation, the classic villain of the movie doesn’t get much play. That may be because outside of biting Suicide’s brain through his head, Tarman doesn’t do a lot in the entire Return of the Living Dead franchise. In fact, at one point, he is seen on the side of the road trying to hitch a ride.
For this endeavor, I would need the puppet version of Tarman. For those of you who haven’t listened to our podcast on Return of the Living Dead (and why haven’t you?) Tarman was half puppet and half guy in a costume. The costume would be pretty cool, but a mansized walking and talking puppet? This is gleam in every man-child’s eye.
I have to work on my Tarman voice so I can yell “Brains!” Excuse me.
How it would best be used: Tarman would be my friend. My confidante. Me amigo. He would sit in the passenger seat of my car. He would lay in the guest bed. He would watch TV and play video games with me. Tarman is my best friend. I miss him already.