Podcast: Play in new window
The cult of Lilith is behind us, but another Christmas Eve is upon us. What will happen this year when Santa gets his hands on some toys made specifically for the naughty boys and girls in Silent Night Deadly Night 5 – The Toy Maker. Join Ron and Little Miss Horror Nerd as they discuss Mickey Rooney’s history with the franchise, what denotes a criminal and even what is the second best acted film in the series. There is a lot to argue about — well, they argue a lot in this one, anyways. Is Silent Night Deadly Night 5 a worthy sequel? What does Pinocchio have to do with all of this? There’s only one way to find out.
HORROR NEWS: Stephen King short story collection in 2015, Sony hack, horror comedy anthology series coming to FOX
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Posted in Podcast Episodes, Silent Night Deadly Night
Tagged 90s horror, Brad Falchuk, Brian Yuzma, Christmas horror, Clint Howard, Different Seasons, Friday the 13th, horror comedy anthology, horror toys, Martin Kitrosser, Mickey Rooney, Neith Hunter, Pinocchio, Ryan Murphy, Silent Night Deadly Night, Sony hack, Stephen King, The Toy Maker
THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE
For some unknown reason I wanted to be disgusted this week so I chose to watch The Human Centipede (2009). This movie was written, directed, and produced by Tom Six.
The movie begins with two female American tourists becoming stranded in a wooded area in Germany. After being unable to call a car service due to lack of cell phone signal, they begin walking. They finally find a home and the owner invites them inside to call for help. Unfortunately for them, this man is a deranged doctor who has no intention of letting them go.
Dr. Heiter (played very convincingly by Dieter Laser) is a monster. I hated him. I wanted him to die. Formerly a surgeon who separated conjoined twins, he is now interested in joining people not separating them. I was disgusted but not for the reasons I thought I would be. I had avoided this movie because I hate poop! However, there is no poop in this movie. Only the idea of it which was still disturbing. All I could think of throughout the film was of Dr. Josef Mengele, the Nazi doctor who performed hideous experiments on concentration camp victims.
I imagine this was the intention of Tom Six since this doctor’s first name was Josef. The negative reviews on Amazon label this movie as torture porn. I do not agree. There really isn’t much torture leading up to the final product of Dr. Heiter’s experiment. It’s all about the end result for him. There is, however, plenty of gore and very disturbing imagery. Someone suggested to me this is a comedy. I found nothing humorous. I was simply grossed out and freaked out. I was rooting for his victims to escape but unlike a slasher movie there is no “it girl”. There is no hero. It’s just all darkness and despair.
If you are like me you put yourself in the place of the victims in horror films you spend the film wondering what you’d do. How would you survive? How would you escape? And if you did who would you be after that experience? Would you be able to keep your sanity after being dehumanized?
In a film like this or Hostel or even I Spit On Your Grave those thoughts are especially prevalent. I’m not sure if the Human Centipede is possible but I bet there is some madman somewhere who has attempted it or something equally horrific. How low can the human race go? It is my opinion that there are no boundaries.
If you want something a little different but still terrifying check out The Human Centipede.
LITTLE MISS HORROR NERD’S RATING: 4 out of 5
This week I’ve decided to give you ten of my favorite kills in Christmas horror films. These are some of my favorite holiday homicides in no particular order.
1. Silent Night Deadly Night 1984 – A Christmas horror movie classic to be sure, this film got a few things right. The first was the basic premise. The second was casting everyone’s favorite Scream Queen, Linnea Quigley. Two kills on my list come from this film. A personal favorite was the sledding bully who was beheaded mid sled ride by Billy who somehow knew where to find the naughty bully. My other favorite was a wriggling and screaming topless Linnea being impaled on antlers, even though it has been suggested to me that the antlers would never hold her up.
2. Black Christmas 1974 – This movie to me is the scariest and creepiest horror movie I’ve ever seen. I remember being scared senseless the first time I saw it. In subsequent viewings for years after I was never able to watch it alone. Two more of my kills come from this movie. Barb’s death was very disturbing. Maybe it was the juxtaposition of Jess enjoying the carolers while Barb was being murdered. Perhaps it was the murder weapon a glass unicorn or maybe that no one could hear Barb’s screaming over the carolers. My second choice was Clair. Clair was the outsider in the house. She didn’t seem to fit in much so that when she disappeared after going to her room to pack no one noticed. Clair, unfortunately, had been suffocated to death with a garment bag by Billy. She was sitting in a rocking chair dead for most of the movie.
3. Black Christmas 2006 – The remake of the 1974 classic was NOT a good idea. There was absolutely nothing to improve upon or update. The original was simply perfect. Remake it they did because Hollywood is full of brainless fools. There were a few bright spots in the film including original cast member Andrea Martin back as the house mother and some fun kills. In the process of trying to explain Billy in the remake (which didn’t need to be done) we are introduced to his mother and her boyfriend. Unfortunately for them, Billy decides to take his murderous rage out on them. He first kills mom’s boyfriend in front of her with some sort of ornament to the eye. He saved the most gruesome and likely painful death for mom as he first strangles her with the Christmas tree lights and then drags her to the kitchen and finishes her off via rolling pin to the head. After Billy has beaten his mother unrecognizable he uses Christmas cookie cutters to make flesh cookies from his mothers back. I saw him put them in the oven but I am not sure if he ate them.
4. Don’t Open Till Christmas 1984 – I saw this British Christmas slasher movie for the first time last year. Someone is killing Santas and it is personal! I must say I liked this one simply because there were a ton of murders and some were pretty creative. The opening scene is a Santa being murdered while having sex with a pretty lady. Uh oh! Now it’s dangerous to BE the Santa. Three of my picks come from this movie. The first is a Santa whose penis is sliced off with a straight razor while he is peeing at a public urinal. Ouch! I just had a pain in my crotch thinking about it and I do not have a penis. Next up a female victim meets her maker by being strangled with tinsel and stabbed in the stomach. My personal favorite the Santa roasting chestnuts on an open fire — er grill has his face shoved onto the grill and cooked!
5. Silent Night 2012 – The loose remake / reboot of the 1984 classic Silent Night Deadly Night was a pleasant surprise for me. I enjoyed the new take on the original plot and loved their casting choices. I’ve always been partial to Miss Jamie King. There was no shortage of murdering madness and I LOVE LOVE LOVE the new look the Santa killer had. Very creepy! My favorite cool kill from this movie is topless ruffle panties cute girl. This unfortunate young lady escapes the building her photographer is killed in only to be chased down by Santa. She of course falls running at which point he chops half her leg off. He then throws her leg and her screaming and still quite alive into a wood chipper nearby that is used for Christmas trees. Yuck!
So there you have it! Five movies, ten kills. If you haven’t seen all or any of these movies you are being very NAUGHTY. If you see Santa outside your window you may want to run.
Posted in Blog Posts, Horror Blog
Tagged Andrea Martin, Black Christmas, Christmas horror, Don't Open Til Christmas, Jamie King, Linnea Quigley, Little Miss Horror Nerd, santa slasher, Silent Night, Silent Night Deadly Night
Podcast: Play in new window
As Christmas creeps closer and closer, stranger and stranger things are happening. This time it happens in Los Angeles on Christmas Eve and involves a cult of female worshipping — uh, females and Clint Howard wearing a dong hat. Join Ron and Little Miss Horror Nerd as they unwrap their last Christmas gift of the season in the form of the last mystery guest host and talk all things Silent Night Deadly Night 4 including past films of Brian Yuzma, the inability of the main character to make spaghetti, the myth of Lilith, fat Asian butchers and homeless people who drink coffee. Should be a fun episode!
Horror News: Friday the 13th reboot, Horror Camp, Ouija boards as Christmas gifts
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Posted in Podcast Episodes, Silent Night Deadly Night
Tagged 80s slasher, 90s horror, Allyce Beasley, Brian Yuzma, Christmas horror, Clint Howard, cult horror, Diana Prince, Friday the 13th, Horror Camp, Lilith, Neith Hunter, Ouija, Reggie Bannister, Ricky, Silent Night Deadly Night, The Initiation
THRILLER The Graveyard Gang are an 80′s monster toy and an instant MONSTER HIT, made by Powco in 1984. They are unlicensed takeoffs on the success of Michael Jackson’s Thriller song and video. Thriller was HUGE that year AND I MEAN HUGE so of course toy lines were scrambling to create all things Michael Jackson. I think, however, the zombies proved a bit too scary for the 80s softer touch and the major toy lines so Powco (a second tier company) went ahead and released these gems!
These little glow in the dark zombie toys are a melding of the 60s and 70s monster toys with the new age of horror. The way these look they could have easily came out of the 70s! There were six figures in the set, and they are 6″ tall GLOW IN THE DARK bendables with vinyl heads and rooted hair and clothes…AWESOME!
Everyone needs a Michael Jackson Zombie to play with, right? I know I DO!! I LOVE THEM!
The AJ Renzi Monster Mobile
While initially it may not look like a great Monster Toy…..Over the years I have grown a deep passion for the second tier company MONSTER toys….Of course a lot of them were hanging in grocery stores etc ….Just waiting for your kid hands to grab ahold of them and create GREAT MONSTER MEMORIES! Mom always said yes to getting one because they were cheap knock offs and cheap in price but EXPENSIVE today and so so GREAT!!!
Sure, this killer ride is basic. It’s a giant hunk of plastic. But in its simplicity it is MAGIC! it captures everything about my youth and the spirit of an entire generation of MONSTER culture!
This Monster Car is a reminder of a bygone era when times and toys were simpler. Plastic monsters driving plastic drag cars! It just doesn’t get better than that! An iconic toy for those that may have lived through the MONSTER TIMES…..Even if you didn’t live through it, any respectable monster collector would want this ride in their collection! A real piece of Americana MONSTER! This one gets my BONES RATTLING!
Posted in Blog Posts, Unleash Hell
Tagged 80s toys, aj renzi, bootleg toys, Frank the Toy Stalker, glow-in-the-dark, Michael Jackson, monster mobile, powco, Salem Toy Museum, Thriller, toy cars, zombie toys