Episode 250: Killjoy Wrap Up Show

killjoy7It’s time to say good-bye to motherfucking Killjoy. We have travelled together since his days in an ice cream truck in the hood, through the clown dimension, detoured through Hell and the internet and it’s over…for now.  Join Ron and Little Miss Horror Nerd as they wrap up the Killjoy franchise trying to decipher where Killjoy stands in the pantheon of horror clowns, the value of Full Moon Entertainment, the evolution of the Killjoy character, Jessica’s infatuation with both crickets and large pants and why the series got better instead of worse.  All of this along with the usual wrap up show staples such as Top Five Deaths in the franchise and Ten Questions about the Killjoy franchise with Jessica!

HORROR NEWS: Fred Heads documentary, Friday the 13th video game free downloads, new Star Trek franchise, Preacher season two

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Episode 249: Killjoy’s Psycho Circus

killjoy5Motherfucking Killjoy…Motherfucking Killjoy…yes, ladies and gentleman, it’s time once again for everyone’s favorite webshow — Killjoy’s Psycho Circus!!  See the amazing talking mime!  See Killjoy kills people with pies!  See Killjoy and Batty Boop have mortal sex! Join Ron and Little Miss Horror Nerd as they make their way through one of the most happening webshows out there.  Listen to them discuss things like whether this counts as a horror movie, Jessica’s hatred for Freakshow’s little brother, the Achilles’ heel of the Six Psychos and even Jessica pooping in a kids pool.  Psycho is may not be, but a circus it sure is!  Welcome!

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The Friday Four – Four Remakes That Aren’t Worthless

The Friday Four - Final

 

First off, let me apologize for my absence last week. Little Miss Horror Nerd was in town visiting and we had a lot planned so this column kind of fell by the wayside.  But that was last week and this is this week!

 

Regular listeners to the podcast know my feelings on remakes.  I. HATE. THEM. I refuse to see most of them. My thoughts on them are that they don’t make a difference and only show that you have no creative talent whatsoever. What if I wrote a book about a rabies infested dog that trapped a mom and her son in car or a telekinetic girl who had a prank played on her at her high school prom?  Would that prove I am a great writer?  Nope. It would just prove that I am an uncreative thief riding someone else’s coattails because I can’t blaze my own trail.

 

Here’s another thing I don’t understand about remakes; your movie means nothing. Whenever people talk about the clown scene in Poltergeist, they are never talking about the remake. Whenever someone mentions a scene in Texas Chainsaw Massacre — they are never talking about the remake.  Your movie means nothing.  It doesn’t exist after it’s made.

 

My feelings are well known on the topic.

 

That being said, I have also been vocal about the fact that there are some movies I am okay with being remade.  If modern special effects can help boost the story, then I understand the remake.  If it has been decades and decades since a movie was released, I kind of understand that one as well.  Sometimes using the same monsters to tell different stories is okay.  Also, there are some stories that just stand the test of time and remake after remake doesn’t hurt the original story.  I’m looking at you, Universal Studios — though you are trying your best to destroy your legacy with this Mummy abortion.

 

Today, for the Friday Four I give you…

 

FOUR REMAKES THAT AREN’T WORTHLESS

 

For this list, I omitted the Universal Monsters franchises because if I included them, that would be the entire list.  Those movies can always be updated and still stand strong.

 

1. House on Haunted Hill, 1999

 

house

I didn’t say all the movies were good.

 

In fairness, this is a pretty fun movie until the ridiculous ending.  With leads like Geoffrey Rush and Famke Janssen leading an all star cast, the director would really have to fuck it up in order to make it boring. The director didn’t so we get a decent little film with some fun moments.

 

Why is it okay to remake this 1959 Vincent Price classic?  Look, I love Vincent Price as much as the next guy — actually probably more than the next guy, and the original film is certainly a must see for ever horror movie fan that ever existed, but the special effects are lacking.  The effects in the 1999 remake are great.  The effects in the 1959 original – not so much.  They had a bone white skeleton prop that you can get at any Halloween shop for about $15 these days.  They had to resort to silly in theater gimmicks in order to try and scare the audience. The scariest part of the movie was a creepy old lady on some sort of rolling board. Again, let me remind you, I am a fan of the movie, I just think the effects were a little lacking.

 

It helps that I love Geoffrey Rush and I dug his homage to Price. Also in the 1999 version, you get the creepy doctors and a lot of other effects that I am sure they wished they had back in 1959.  Chalk this one up to “benefited from special effects update.”

 

2. The Blob, 1988

 

blob

The Blob in any era is just such a weird movie to me.  I can imagine the pitch…

 

“Hey boss, we have this gelatinous slow moving stuff that eats people!”

 

Sometimes the byproduct of drug use just works out.

 

The Blob may have been released by Paramount Pictures, but let’s be honest with ourselves here — it’s got Universal Monster written all over it. In fact, until I was about thirty, I was convinced there were like five Blob movies and that I just hadn’t seen the sequels. I thought it was Universal-like.

 

Nope.  There’s just one Blob and one Blob remake, but here’s the thing about The Blob; It works in every decade. It’s just a blob of shit that eats whatever it comes up against.  The 1988 version is cheesy and fun.  Shawnee Smith may not be Steve McQueen, but she carries this movie just fine.

 

I wouldn’t mind a blob movie today. I’d pay to see a blob eat cell phones, hipsters, millenials, Donald Trump and other B celebrities.  With Hollywood completely out of ideas, I am surprised this hasn’t happened.

 

Chalk this one up to: basically a Universal Monsters film.

 

3. The Thing, 1982

 

thing

Remember way back in the intro when I said “remakes don’t matter because no one remembers anything about the remakes anyways?”  This is the exception that proves the rule.  Though this John Carpenter classic (you know it’s John Carpenter because it stars Kurt Russell) is a remake of the 1951 film, The Thing From Another World, whenever you talk about a scene (head spider, anyone?) from The Thing, you’re talking about the remake.

 

The Thing From Another World is a strange case. It was one of the greatest sci-fi films of the 1950s a.k.a. sci-fi golden age, but it hasn’t been as celebrated as movies like The Day the Earth Stood Still or When Worlds Collide.

 

By the time Carpenter took over the wheel of the remake, my guess is that a lot of people had forgotten the film.  There was no home media libraries at the time so if you didn’t see The Thing From Another World in the 1950s, there is a good chance you hadn’t seen it at all.  Toss in one of the hottest directors of the time with one of the hottest actors of the time and you have yourself a blockbuster.

 

Why does this remake work?  The perfect storm of timing, the right people and tweaking the story.

 

4. Piranha 3D, 2010

 

Piranha_3d_poster

When I was a kid, Joe Dante’s Piranha messed me up way more than Jaws ever did.  I live in Indiana.  I’m landlocked. I didn’t see the ocean until I was 22.  Sharks were not a worry for me. I did, however, spend most summers on a lake that I swam in frequently. After watching Piranha, I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t constantly thinking fish were eating my toes in the water.

 

The original Piranha movie was a parody of the rash of shark attack movies that came after the success Jaws, so it’s not like a remake was treading on sacred ground (I’m looking at you almost every other remake ever).  Piranha 3D was a more gory and over the top version of Piranha, taking the parody film to the next level with more humor, more blood and more tits.

 

Piranha 3D is harmless fun that creates its own memories that doesn’t need to rely on you remembering a scene from a previous movie to be successful.  It’s the kind of movie that a remake should be.  No one should be remaking movies that don’t need updated because they are fine the way they were (Halloween, Psycho, Nightmare on Elm Street, The Omen, Poltergeist, Night of the Demons…the list goes on and on).

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Bonus Episode 14: One Chip Challenge

chipI don’t know the brain capacity of zombies, but you may or may not realize that in just a few weeks The Resurrection of Zombie 7 Podcast turns five years old!  In celebration of this milestone, we are giving the listeners a lot of bonus material!  This is the first, recorded in Ron’s backyard during a party with Jessica present, Ron attempts the One Chip Challenge (courtesy of the Canadian Horror House).  WARNING:  There is a lot of backyard ambient noise as music is blaring, people are shouting and cornhole (aka bean bag toss) is being played. It can be hard to listen to in parts.

 

Random Guests include:

Richie “Dom X” Gillespie

THE Charlie Daniels

Vinnie “The Cleaner” Smith

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Episode 248: Killjoy Goes to Hell

Killjoy_Goes_To_HellRevenge demons are a dime a dozen — maybe that’s why the less successful revenge demons get dragged in front of Beelzebub for being too nice just like Killjoy does in this episode!  Fret not because all of Killjoy’s friends are back to try and help Killjoy out!  And there’s a dude in really big pants!  All of this is covered by Ron and Little Miss Horror Nerd as they travel to the depths of Hell in order to bring you this episode.  Ron learns of a couple of more fetishes that he has while Jessica is greatly amused by large pants and possibilities that lie within.  Is this a horror movie?  Is this a comedy?  It does have a clown, a succubus and a devil who is afraid of virgins so you make the call!

HORROR NEWS: Goosebumps merchandise, Castlevania animated series, Tales from the Crypt complete series

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