IT Came From the Network 02

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If you have a vivid imagination like I do, you see potential story in almost everywhere you go.  Cary Hill knows the feeling as he had that moment a few years ago at a theme park. Unlike most of us, Hill decided to do something about it and with the help of Kickstarter, we get the 2013 release of Scream Park, an 80s style slasher film set in an amusement park.

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Theme parks and horror have a long and illustrious history together from the early freak shows all the way to zombies devouring Woody Harrelson in a midway game booth. There’s some inherently creepy about amusement parks.  Perhaps its the dead stare of the critters and creatures the parks are made of.  Perhaps its the inherit danger that lies with putting your life in the hands of strangers every time you step onto a theme park ride.  Like clowns, there is seedy underbelly of theme parks that we just don’t quite trust — and that’s part of the thrill of it all.

Hill does his best to capture this mistrust giving us plenty of shots of empty park rides and deserted midways as Fright Land is in its death throws on its last night of existence. Accordingly, the teenage staff of the theme park has mixed emotions about the park going out of existence — except for Blake.

download (1)Hill is going for “80s type slasher” in a theme park.  When I think of 80s slashers, I think of two things; boobs and cool kills.  The film is all of two seconds away from being completely devoid of the former, but scores some points with the latter. I’m a sucker for death by head being shoved into a working fryer.

Ultimately, the film is too idealistic. Yes, and 80s type slasher in a theme park is a very interesting premise.  However, as a B-movie, one has to know their limitations.  I don’t expect the acting to be great (it wasn’t), but I do expect to be able to hear the bad acting. This movie was made recently. In the 2010s, recording equipment is not that expensive.  That being said, knowing the financial limitations, perhaps recording in a vast theme park wasn’t the best option.  Even with headphones on, I could barely hear the action.

images (1)The storyline is fairly simple — teenage kids getting laid to waste in a theme park after hours.  I do appreciate the use of theme park tropes early on in the film; a death on rollercoaster and death in snackbar fryer.  As things break down, the death get less carnival oriented. I appreciate the initial effort and I am positive that Hill and crew were handcuffed with what they could do since they were filming in an actual theme park (Conneaut Lake Park in Conneaut Lake, Pennsylvania for those of you in the area who may have recognized the place). The motive for the killings doesn’t make a lot of sense, but to avoid spoilers, I won’t get much into that.

It should be noted there is a cameo appearance by the great Doug Bradley (aka Pinhead for you Hellraiser fans) as the theme park owner.  This is where the storyline started to go south. Mostly, Bradley’s appearance served to show how weak the rest of the acting was when compared to him. However, I don’t blame Hill for adding Bradley into the film. If I’m making independent horror and I can use Doug Bradley, I’m using Doug Bradley, damnit!

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In conclusion, Scream Park is the epitome of B-movie independent horror (not to be confused with B-movie studio horror, which would not be excused for poor production values). The sound was an issue, but the lighting and gore was not.  The best acting in the film is brought to you by Kyle Riordan and Alicia Marcucci as Roy and Allison, respectively, but otherwise, it’s what you expect.

On the dumbed down B-movie horror scare, Scream Park rates a solid 6/10 mostly for the kills.

Remember, as a reader of this column, you can see Scream Park and Monster Puppet Massacre absolutely free from the Movie and Music Network!  Click on the posters below to watch one or the other!  As always, click the promo banner at the beginning of the column to check out Movie and Music Network and subscribe.

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Little Miss Horror Nerd’s Little Horror Blog 68

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TEES, HOODIES AND HORRORS — OH MY!!

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Hey kids! This week is something a little different. As I’ve  said many times on the podcast, I am obsessed with t-shirts. I especially love horror tees. In the last few months, I have purchased several tees and a hoodie from three separate companies. I know everyone loves a t-shirt so I will review these companies so my readers know where to get the cool horror and pop culture tees.

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First up teeVillian. I first discovered this company on Facebook where they have a large following. Each day one tee design is offered  from an original artist for $11.00 plus $3.00 shipping. Once the 24 hour period up a new design is offered. You cannot order a previous day’s shirt but teeVillian usually posts the artist’s information and website. So you may still be able to get the design you missed for a few dollars more. I have purchased several shirts from this company in the last few months. They are true to size quality shirts. They also generally offer 3 to 4 different colors for each design. Recent designs include: Twisty the Clown, Slender Man and the Cheshire Cat. I highly recommend these shirts which are an awesome value and amazing designs. Sizes offered for both men and women are XS to XXX. Kids sizes are also offered.

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Next up is Shirt Punch. I also discovered this company on Facebook. Shirt Punch is similar to teeVillian in that their designs are offered for 24 hours. However, Shirt Punch offers 4 daily designs in both tees and hoodies. The tees are $10.00 each and the hoodies are $19.99. The hoodies especially are an excellent value as some sites charge up to $50.00. These shirts are true to size and are offered in fitted men / women or unisex sizes S to XL. Youth sizes are also available. Recent designs include Scream, Halloween 6, and Power Puff Girls. Occasionally Shirt Punch offers tees as low as 6.99. I love these tees and considering the following they have on their daily Facebook posts I’d say they have many happy customers.

My last company is Fright Rags. I have always wanted to order from this company but they are quite a bit pricier than the previous two. I finally broke down and ordered a hoodie a few weeks ago. I actually went in search of the ugly Jason Christmas sweater which is a sweatshirt. Unfortunately, although it was available for preorder, there were almost no sizes left. As I was about to cry I saw Freddy with kittens and my frown turned upside down! I purchased this design in a hoodie and received a 20% discount for pre ordering. Sadly, this design is now sold out. Never fear for they are currently offering Exorcist III designs as well as beginning November 19th, a limited number of Cannibal Thanksgiving. Don’t wait these designs go quickly!

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Episode 120: Silent Night Deadly Night

silent-night-deadly-nightThe tree is lit. Snow covers the ground.  There is silence in the air on a magical Christmas Eve just waiting for Santa’s arrival. Here he comes with a twinkle in his eye…or a twinkle off his axe?  Ron will open his first Christmas “present” tonight in the form of a mystery guest host provided by Little Miss Horror Nerd. Other topics of discussion include caroling, Linnea Quigley’s boobs, the controversy surrounding Silent Night Deadly Night upon it’s release, Jarts, Colorforms, if a girl who is being raped is being naughty, the impossibility of getting the Mousetrap game to work and Catholicism as horror’s whipping boy.

HORROR NEWS: Fright Rags Christmas tees, Scream TV show update, Peter Straub and Stephen King working on a new Talisman novel

 

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**SPOILERS ON MYSTERY GUEST BELOW TRAILER**

 

 

You can find “Wildman” Willis Wheeler at…

The Terror Troop Podcast

NFW Movie Commentaries (linked to the Silent Night Deadly Night episode)

or on his own Wildman Reviews youtube channel!!

 

 

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Unleash Hell 45

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Mad Monster Party is a 1967 animated film produced by Rankin/Bass for Embassy Pictures. Although less well-known than Rankin/Bass’ holiday specials, it has become a KILLER cult film and one of my faves.

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The film was created using Rankin/Bass’ usual Animagic” stop motion animation process. Starring Boris Karloff as Baron Boris von Frankenstein and Phyllis Diller as the Monster’s Mate. This is one Rankin Bass Special NOT TO BE MISSED!

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While you’re watching my fave film…They just released these amazing masks! WEAR EM AND WATCH! Now you can become THE COUNT, THE BARON, LITTLE TIBIA or THE CREATURE and even FANG! Just slip one of these bad boys over your head and watch out for the transformation! These latex masks are painfully exact and sculpted from many screen captures from the movies characters to create these painstaking 78 likenesses!

 

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Little Miss Horror Nerd’s Little Horror Blog 67

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I don’t know much about Bigfoot, (Ed Note: He beats up people who screw with him and then eats dried meat)  but I  have never been a believer. I also had never seen a film about Bigfoot up until yesterday. I chose Exists because I wanted to try something new and I am a fan of Director Eduardo Sanchez. His most famous film would be The Blair Witch Project. I actually liked two later films of his, Lovely Molly and Altered much more.

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Exists opens up with a group of five friends heading to a family member’s cabin in the woods for the weekend. On the way, they hit something with their car.  They find no body of an animal or person — just a little blood. After assuming it’s a deer, they get back on the road. They eventually arrive at the cabin and it’s a filthy mess looking as if no one has used it for years.

Later that night, something or someone comes for them and it’s pissed. I came to a realization about halfway through this movie: Exists is The Blair Witch Project with a Bigfoot instead of a witch. It’s set in the woods with a cast of kids that are stuck out there trying to escape something they have not seen but know is there. In fact there is a lot that goes unseen. I was disappointed in this movie overall. There are deaths, but they are all virtually bloodless. That would have been fine if the atmosphere had been creepier and there had been more suspense. But there wasn’t. In a way it was much like an episode of Scooby Doo in that it was a bunch of kids running from a monster. Though no one ever died in a Scooby Doo episode, that show was very suspenseful compared with this drivel.images-10

There was no horror,  comedy, gore or even tits! It was a hollow mess. I only hung on too see Bigfoot and get my $6.99′s worth. Yes, you do get to see Bigfoot and there is a twist but even those disappoint. Wait til it is on Netflix.

LITTLE MISS HORROR NERD’S RATING: 2 out of 5

 

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